top of page
Search

Will It Ever Come Home?

It’s the narrative that never stops giving. The same old story again. England out of another major tournament and the now standard narrative still managed to get a penalty drama in there too, as a bonus when it seemed we might be able to escape without that at least.

What is perhaps refreshing is that this was maybe the first tournament where I and some of my mates didn’t get carried away or more accurately sucked into some false sense of possibility. No dubbed clips of Tommy Shelby screaming at his Peaky Blinders that “it’s coming home!” sent around WhatsApp groups (possibly due to a pre-tournament request from myself), despite having arguably the best squad, coach and team spirit we’ve ever had.

I’ve limited this story to my time, as an England fan, which is from 1996 up to the present day with a decade drop-off between 2006 and 2016. This is mainly due to a combination of pre-tournament tabloid newspaper s**thousery to dig for stories on the players to distract from the task at hand (think Rooney’s ‘granny’ story) and the underperformance of our ‘golden generation’ (Beckham, Rooney, Gerrard, Lampard, Terry, Rio, Cole, Owen and Scholes).


Despite being born in the early 80’s, I was a late arrival to the love of football and only became interested at the age of 10, which most will say is very late. Before I joined in playing football with the majority in year 3 of primary school, I would be found in the minority group, running around playing ‘army’ with my invisible machine gun making noises akin to some form of dysfunctional laugh “hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe” followed by the line “I got you! You have to remain down for 5-seconds”. It was 1993, just prior to the start of my infatuation with football when my Dad bought me a copy of a Manchester Evening News Special, as Man Utd had just won their first league title in 26-years. A lifelong love of the club and the sport begun.


My earliest memories of England were from the infamous Graham Taylor era and those games with the Dutch. Memories of the pull back on David Platt from Ronald Koeman and that 7-1 hammering of San Marino when the lowly part-timers scored straight from kick-off to add to a period of dark times. I do recall USA-94 though and loved the excitement of watching football at strange times of the day. I of course (like the rest of the Country) followed Jack Charlton's Republic of Ireland and have fond memories of Ray Houghton's incredible goal to defeat the Italians in their opening game.

Fast forward to Euro ‘96 though and due to England hosting the tournament, it meant they avoided a qualifying period and could spend 2-years out of the spotlight (sort of), as a new era dawned under Terry Venables, perhaps one of Englands finest man-managers.


In typical fashion England started slow with a draw against Switzerland but a win over the neighbours just North of the border in the second game concluded with a moment of genius from Gazza was the start of us growing into the tournament. A 4-1 thrashing of the old enemy Holland (as they were back then) and in some style meant we were through to the knockout stage and Spain. England weren’t great against Spain but we did put to bed the ghost of the 1990 penalty shoot-out loss to West Germany with a shootout win, with Stuart Pearce having his own personal reprieve by scoring the 3rd that day.

The mood of the Country was incredible that Summer and everywhere you went the belief was that football was truly ‘coming home’, with me playing the newly released Baddiel and Skinner song almost daily. I can still recite the words to this day and although I love the song, it equally fills me with anxiety, as it’s almost ‘the kiss of death’ now. When the fans start singing that song it just feels, as though we’re setting ourselves up for a huge fall and as time has proven, we always fall. Similar to the national anthem, when I hear it, I feel passionate, emotional but equally it also reminds me that in about 90-120minutes we will be out of this tournament. It feels like the start of a countdown toward the exit door.


Back to 1996 and it was perhaps inevitable we’d face the other ‘ol’ enemy’ Germany in the semi-final, which ended 1-1 after extra time with many near misses and woodwork connections along the way before the inevitable penalty shootout commenced. After Spain we thought we’d turned a corner and for the first 5 penalties it seemed we had with Shearer, Platt, Pearce, Sheringham and Gazza all converting and converting well with Seaman getting close to one of Germany’s. Into sudden death and for the 6th penalty, up-stepped Gareth Southgate. I still remember wondering ‘why’ when we still had McManaman and Anderton on the field who were definitely more flair than Southgate. That said, it takes a brave man to take such a penalty with so much at stake. Southgate of course missed and as Germany’s Andy Muller smashed his winner with absolute conviction high into the middle of the net before conducting a very annoying, arrogant ‘masculine German’ stance, me and a few of my mates were left stood behind our neighbours couch (having hid there hardly able to watch) absolutely heartbroken, as we couldn’t believe that England had just been eliminated. How could football not becoming home? How with that performance against the Dutch and the pure ability of Gazza, the leadership of Adams, the birth of the SAS (Shearer and Sheringham) combination could we not have beaten the Germans? Unlike now, it seemed to last all Summer, which should’ve been a great period having seen United and their ‘kids’ overturn a 12-point deficit to Keegan’s ‘Entertainers’ to win a league and cup double back in May. What I didn’t know then was that this was the start of a narrative with England that we haven’t been able to escape since.


Following the ‘success’ of Euro-96 though, which was measured not by trophies (obviously) but the fact Glenn Hoddle had a platform to build from. There was a new found optimism about the national team after the dark times between 1990 and 1996. We had fresh new talent coming threw in the form of Beckham, Scholes, Owen, Fowler and Campbell. After a successful qualifying campaign for the 1998 World Cup, which finished with a heroic draw in Rome it seemed England could go far in this tournament too. However, following a mediocre succession out of the groups, England went out in the first knockout round to another ‘ol’ enemy’ Argentina (we seem to have many ol’ enemies), again on penalties, which was accompanied with a new slice of controversy after Beckham’s provoked sending-off. Having played hero a few days earlier against Columbia having initially been frozen out by Hoddle (apparently for being ‘distracted’) Beckham was subsequently in for many months of hell following this exit. Effigies were hung outside pubs, the tabloids put his face at the centre of a pullout dartboard and death threats became a common occurrence. It was horrific and disgusting and I can only be grateful for him that this was a pre-social media time. Luckily for him (and me) the following season ended with a historical and unprecedented Treble with United.

By the time we went out of the groups in Euro 2000 due to a last minute penalty by Romania, it seemed England had gone full circle and back to the dark era of the early 90s and underperforming at major tournaments.

Under newly appointed top sha**er Sven and following a last minute equaliser from another reprieved man Beckham in 2001 against Greece, England were into the 2002 World Cup and optimism had somewhat been restored. After a revengeful victory in the Group against the Argies with Mr Beckham drilling home a winning penalty, as in 1996 it seemed we could go deep into the tournament. England eventually bowed out in normal time for a change to a rejuvenated Brazil lead by their injury free Ronaldo who ultimately fired them to well deserved World Cup glory.


Euro 2004 started with controversy, aforementioned Englands new wonder kid Wayne Rooney had apparently been up to no good with the older ladies of Croxteth, Merseyside. Why a 16-year old lad from possibly the roughest council estate in the Country, visiting a brass house is news, is beyond me but it’s of course part of the English medias MO to bring down the national team heading into a tournament. They did this prior to Euro ‘96 printing photos of the team s**tfaced in a Hong Kong bar for Gazzas birthday. Back to 2004 and our new wonder kid finished the tournament with 4 goals but didn’t last long in our final game against the ‘new enemy’ Portugal as he went off injured. Penalties prevailed and England of course went out.


The game was virtually repeated 2-years later, as we met Portugal again and again Rooney wouldn’t last the full game having been sent off no thanks to his club teammate Cristiano Ronaldo. Ronaldo of course smugly winked at the bench after Rooneys eviction and went on to convert the winning penalty in another shootout before strutting off in some demonic state.


It’s at this point a trend had started in my head. Controversies, sending-offs, endless shootouts, pre-tournament injuries to key players (Becks in 2002, Rooney in 2006) and endless tabloid stories about the team and their families…it was also the summer of the ‘WAGS’. I’d started to become weary with the same narrative, the same ending so from hereonin to the start of the World Cup in 2018 all the tournaments pretty much blend into one.


England failed to qualify for Euro 2008 after the infamous Croatia loss, most memorable for Steve ‘Wally with the Brolly’ McClaren getting p*** soacked. World Cup 2010 should have had some success under the great tactician Capello but again Rooney entered the tournament injured and we were eliminated in a 4-1 thrashing at the hands of…Germany! The main things I remember most from Capello’s reign was his stance on wearing high socks to avoid seeing skin between the top of shoe and bottom of trouser when sat down, not allowing his players butter on their bread or ketchup on their chips and the infamous Lampard goal against Germany, which led the way for the introduction of goal-line technology.


Then begun the Roy Hodgson era, which replicated the Graham Taylor era with appalling returns in Euro 2012 where we went out on penalties again, exiting at the groups in Brazil 2014 mustering a single point and going out to Iceland in Euro 2016 when a young Harry Kane was tasked with taking corners. This was the year I got married so I only recall the Wales game, which we actually won.

It was during this period John Terry featured heavily, first for having an affair with his club and country teammate and friend Wayne Bridge’ ex-girlfriend and mother of his daughter and secondly for the alleged racial abuse of the brother of his central defensive partner Rio Ferdinand, Anton during a game between Chelsea and QPR in 2011. The latter saga was dragged out by the FA for so long it actually forced Capello to resign due to the side-show of stripping Terry of the armband before reinstating it.


We did manage one more controversy prior to the start of the Southgate era after 1-match England Manager Sam Allardyce had a pint of red wine and fessed-up means to undercover reporters on how to get around financial fair play rules. ‘Big Sam’ was ultimately fired and England U21 Coach Southgate was instated, which didn’t fill the English faithful with much confidence.


What Southgate did do first was firstly rid the squad of the old guard, the Rooneys, Gerrards, Lampards were gone and the Stones, Pickfords, Kanes and Maguires were in. This is something Southgate has continued to do in parallel with maintaining his core aforementioned players, by adding new young talent, such as Rashford, Foden, Grealish and Bellingham to name a few.

In Russia 2018, we reached the knockouts and saw off Columbia and Sweden with a successful shootout along the way. We met a stubborn (and well known for it) Croatia in the semis and despite taking the lead, ultimately failed to capitalise on our possession allowing Croatia, as Croatia do, back into the game. England exited but with our heads held high. It was progress and the team and Gareth were well received and liked by the nation, something that had been missing since 1996.


Onto the delayed Euro2020 and England reached their first final since 1966, this time against the stubborn Italians. Italy hadn’t been great but had demonstrated that they had the kudos to get the job done. England took the lead early but again, as they did in 2018 allowed Italy back into it. However, this time we would go all the way to penalties. After a bright start and with some heroic saves from Pickford, England failed in a shootout again. The tragic part was yet to come however, as the 3 players who missed were black and I knew immediately how social media would react…unfortunately I wasn’t wrong.


For the football though it was further progress. A semi-final followed by a final.


Amid the controversy of the Qatar World Cup, this time not by England (something else Gareth seems to have rid from the England team), it seemed we were the best team at the finals. We were statistically the best in the groups with equal most points, most goals scored and least goals conceded. We eased past Senegal in the last 16 but having gone the hard route met France in the quarters. France (unlike in 2018) weren’t the finished article and England definitely matched them, perhaps the best pound-for-pound game of the tournament. England actually went behind this time, which meant we had to come back into the game, as we did when Kane equalised from the spot and then took the game to France who were on the ropes for a good 15-minutes. However, France retook the lead and England missed a penalty to equalise with 6-minutes left on the clock.

After the initial disappointment, I decided to walk my dog to purge my mind and actually got to thinking about my time as an England fan. It’s unlike my love for United, I do have a bad habit of picking England up for the major tournaments but struggling to get excited for the endless barren qualifying games and Nations League in the middle, which I still don’t understand the format of or how it interacts with qualifying. I actually get aggravated with the domestic league interruptions.


What I did conclude though was that no matter how much England progress in terms of ability and in tournaments, no matter how high morale and team spirit is, no matter how good we are technically or how Gareth’s rid the team of controversy and nonsense, it still ends in the same way. You often think that eventually it has to come right in football. As mentioned above, United kept coming close to titles and eventually after 26-years it arrived. Likewise with Liverpool in 2020 after a 30-year wait.

Since 1990, Germany have won 2 World Cup’s and 1 Euros. Spain 1 World Cup and 2 Euros. Italy 1 World Cup and 1 Euro. France 2 World Cup’s and 1 Euro. Portugal and Greece also have 1 Euro each. How is it Europe’s other major league and arguably the worlds best have not won anything during this period (do not throw Le Tournoi at me)? At this time it almost feels like some curse or just chasing ‘Valhalla’, as my Dad would say. It feels like it’s never coming home.

49 views0 comments

Related Posts

See All

Rage Against the Boy

So, I’ve been meaning to write this (and many others) for a few weeks, but as Mrs Mum is on the verge of delivering Boy #2, we’ve been in...

The Kids Aren't Alright

So, I had a few ideas for what my next post would be about; ‘Modern Schooling’, Relationships’ and ‘The World’s Obsession with Killing’...

No Silence For Me

My Dad always says “You can’t please all the people, all the time. You can only please some of the people, some of the time”. I recall...

Comments


bottom of page